Grab a Sharpie: Write Down What Matters Most

As we waited to enter San Quentin Prison, we were only allowed to take our driver’s licenses with us—nothing else. I was preparing to visit the prison with Bob Goff and the Love Does team when I had to acknowledge something I wasn’t expecting: the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation (CDCR) has a strict “no-hostage” policy. That means if I were taken hostage inside the prison, they wouldn’t negotiate for my release. Everyone else agreed to it, so I went right along.

Sure—if a convicted murderer, or maybe a few former gang members, decided to take me hostage, let me handle it. I’d figure things out. I mean, I did escape my older sister’s room one time when I was a kid.

Ultimately, I get it. The no-hostage policy is an important part of CDCR’s security protocols, designed to prevent inmates from gaining leverage by taking hostages. It’s all about maintaining  safety.

A few minutes after we entered the prison walls, I noticed something: Bob had a black Sharpie with him. I always knew Bob was full of wisdom—I’ve read a lot of his books—but I was curious how a black Sharpie was going to save his life during a hostage situation. Huh, I thought, maybe that’s how he plans to defend himself if he’s taken hostage - with a sharpie. But hey, it was Bob Goff. He’s the Love Does, the love Everybody, Always guy.  I trusted him. And what a story that would be—me getting taken hostage in San Quentin and Bob negotiating on my behalf with a Sharpie.

Speaking of Sharpies, here’s a good one that shows the gentleness of my mom. One time, she was upset with my dad, and guess what she said to him? “I want to draw all over you with a Sharpie!” That’ll teach him a lesson, Mom! Our family still laughs about that story. But maybe that’s what Bob planned to do—start drawing on people, with love, of course, if he was taken hostage. He knew no one was going to negotiate for him, so he’d have to take matters into his own hands.

In all seriousness, I noticed Bob writing words and phrases on his hand as he walked around San Quentin. I knew exactly what he was doing. Little stories were popping into his head, and he didn’t want to forget them.

Seriously, try it sometime. We think so many wonderful things, have countless great ideas, and assume we’ll remember them. But we don’t—we probably forget about 99% of them. What Bob does is capture every thought before it slips away. He encourages people to write everything down—and not wash their hands—so they never forget. 

Within a couple of hours, Bob’s left hand was covered with words written in black Sharpie.

Growing up, my dad encouraged my sisters and me to memorize Bible verses. He told us to “write them on your heart.” As a kid, that didn’t make sense. Dad, how do I write on my heart? But as I’ve gotten older, it’s become clear. He wanted us to memorize Scripture so we’d be prepared for anything life threw our way.

That’s how God works through His Word.  We memorize verses so that when anxiety, fear, anger, impatience, lust, pride—you name it—try to take hold, we’re ready to defend ourselves. God’s Word becomes our sword (or our Sharpie), something we can reach for to push back against the lies and pressures of life.

Just like Bob’s Sharpie at San Quentin, what are we writing down? What are we writing on our hearts? What are we committing to permanent marker—the things that can’t be erased and that we’ll never forget. 

I get what my dad was saying now - and Bob was on to something with that Sharpie. We need to always be writing, always thinking, and never washing our hands of God’s Word.

But here’s the thing: some of us are already hostages. Not behind prison walls, but trapped at the same time. It might be a habit that’s quietly controlling you. A difficult relationship that’s slowly draining the life out of you. A job that pays the bills but is leaving you emptier and emptier. Maybe it’s an addiction you’ve justified or a fear you’ve never faced. So often we walk around with smiles on our face, but inside something’s holding us hostage and like the agreement at San Quentin, we’re doing nothing to negotiate our release. No one forced us, we signed the no-negotiation policy thinking things like, “This is just how it is, this is what I deserve, this is all I’ll ever be. But here’s the good news: We don’t have to stay stuck - remaining hostage to whatever’s gripping us. 

Just like the inmates inside San Quentin, we all have a past. But we also have the possibility of rescue and freedom. Not because of anything we’ve done, but because of Jesus. He paid it all and God never stops negotiating for your heart. God always promises to never leave or forsake you and because of that, we’ve been released. When Jesus was in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights, satan came to tempt him, not just once, but multiple times. Jesus defended himself each time with three powerful words, “It is written” followed by the truth of God’s Word.  

So what’s holding you hostage? Is it comparison? Bitterness? Shame? Busyness?  Approval of others? Perfectionism? Whatever it is. Name it. Write it down. And then write something better over it with a permanent marker. Truth. Grace. Hope. When we write God’s Word on our hearts - we’re not just defending ourselves, we’re reminding ourselves who we are and Whose we are.

So, grab your Sharpie and write down what matters most.